Camiguin before it’s too late March 4, 2008

Camiguin: ‘Do it now before it’s too late’

By Arlene Paredes
Philippine Daily Inquirer

Last updated 14:07:00 03/04/2008“CAMIGUIN is very small, you can roam the whole island in a day,” said my friend Mavic Hilario, when she learned that I was planning a trip to the island.

Camiguin is second only to Batanes as the smallest province in the Philippines.

“You’ll enjoy the place, it’s a little paradise,” Mavic added. Other friends who’ve been to Camiguin have one common thing to say about my planned getaway: “Do it now before it’s too late.”

However, my travel buddy Noel Miñoza and I still arrived late-at least for the ferry. We just assumed that the last trip for the Camiguin-bound ferry from Balingoan in Misamis Oriental would be at around 6 p.m. What a mistake!

It turned out that the last trip leaves daily at 4 p.m. We were just leaving Cagayan De Oro around that time. (It takes two hours to go to the Balingoan Port from Cagayan De Oro City.)

From the port in Guinsilaban, we took a habal-habal (9-seater tricyle) and spent 30 minutes on the road to Mambajao, the town capital of Camiguin, where we’d reserved a tree house at the Enigmata Ecolodge. Our driver said our trip would cover more than 30 kilometers, which is already nearly half of the entire Camiguin stretch. It was just getting close to 9 p.m. but the whole island seemed to have gone to slumber.

At 6 the next morning, we met Kuya Jess, our motorcycle rider-slash-tourist guide who would bring us to different stopovers in Camiguin. The goal was just to look around and see as many tourist points, because Noel was going back to Cagayan De Oro in the afternoon, and I would have to leave at 5 a.m. the next day.

We had only one day. I would later find out that such a short time was not enough to fully experience Camiguin’s wonders.

White Island

The first stop was White Island. Breathtaking! I could see the entire island from the boat we boarded from Paras Beach. The sand was white, soft and really soothing to the skin. There were few people on the beach, plus some quaint lunch booths for quick seafood meals, so a huge part of the 2-km stretch of White Island was clear for my eyes to feast on. That was the sweetest space and freedom I’ve ever experienced.

Mantigue Island

There are two islands off Camiguin for tourists to enjoy. The first is White Island, for quiet nature trippers and conventional swimmers; the other is Mantigue Island, which is a bit longer by about 1 km. Unlike White Island, there are trees and shade in Mantigue, which has been declared a marine sanctuary. It’s perfect for snorkeling and diving.

For group tours, Roger Saturos, a teacher at Mantigue Island on weekdays and a tourist guide in Camiguin on weekends, can help make arrangements for lodging, boats, etc. You may text him at 0920-2306407.

Churches and giant clams

Our guide also brought me to the Sto. Niño Cold Springs, Moro Watchtower, the ruins of the old Church and a convent in the old Catarman, which was buried by an earthquake followed by a deadly eruption of Mt. Vulcan in 1871; the very old Sto. Rosario Church (built in 1882), and the preservation site of giant clams at the Kebela White Beach in Barangay Cantaan. The live giant clams on display included species like the Tridacna crocea, T. maxima, T. squamosa, T. derasa, T. gigas, and Hippopus hippopus.

Camiguin is still pretty much pristine and unspoiled by man. From its seven massive peaks (including Mt. Hibok-Hibok) to its waterfalls and cold and hot springs, plus its beautiful dive sites, Camiguin should be a prime destination for nature enthusiasts and passionate adventurers alike.

E-mail the author at lhenparedes@gmail.com.

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/you/2bu/view/20080304-122700/Camiguin-Do-it-now-before-its-too-late

Teacher Arlene August 15, 2007

A teacher for the first time

By Arlene Paredes
Inquirer
Last updated 01:23am (Mla time) 08/15/2007

Published on August 15, 2007 in the Philippine Daily Inquirer

Inquirer link [here]

I never thought I’d become a teacher one day. But fate, I guess, had made plans for something far beyond what my imagination could conceive.

After switching from one type of day job to another for several years (while also working as a freelance writer), I wound up as a teacher.

My classroom is not the traditional kind that most of us are familiar with. It is designed for a maximum of four students only, so I am able to pay a lot of attention to the students for the entire 45 minutes of the class. This setup is necessary for a learning plan that is highly interactive, rich yet compact, and fast-paced for young learners of the subject (English as a Second Language).

I started teaching ESL just this summer. To summarize how I feel about the whole experience so far, I’d say it’s been fun, challenging and seriously fulfilling since Day 1.

First, teaching is fun because I’m surrounded by kids whose laughter and antics liven up my otherwise boring and predictable existence. Second, it’s challenging because every child has his or her own learning style, and designing a lesson plan to match these learning styles and the children’s varying scope of interests is definitely not easy.

The subjects I teach are Basic Phonics and Writing. In Basic Phonics, I rediscover words and share them with the children in the most creative and fun ways possible. Inviting fun into the classroom is easy. Teachers can relax, make jokes, encourage kids to talk. However, the challenge is how to use fun creatively, such that the children will not just have fun, but will learn, too.

In Writing, I teach what I’ve always loved doing, but that is not to say that everything is breezy in the Writing class. In fact, it’s just the exact opposite.

Resistance and challenge

It’s so frustrating to witness the resistance level of some students when it comes to writing. Their resistance comes understandably from the fear of not doing the writing task right. On top of that, they’re not even writing in their first language.

The challenge is how to make the students believe that if the teacher, who is not a native English speaker like them, had written compositions in English, then they could do it, too. Planning a 45-minute class in a style that is most beneficial to everyone in the classroom is definitely not a walk in the park.

Finally, I’d say teaching is a seriously fulfilling task because in all the years I’d been working since I left school, teaching is the first job that has marked my weekdays as truly and undeniably productive.

Everyday, students are richer in mind and experience because their teachers labor hard to add a little bit more to what they already know. Everyday, teachers are molding children’s minds.

Teachers never labor in vain, I guess, although this is hardly ever obvious. In fact, it’s so easy to take what teachers are doing for granted. I know this to be true; I was a student for 15 years, after all.

I had absolutely no idea about all the mental and emotional stress that go with this job. Of course, I’m thankful I have this enlightening experience now. Without it, I wouldn’t be rediscovering every day the saying “teaching is a noble profession.” It is, indeed.

E-mail the author at crypticmess@yahoo.com

When Arlene Grows Up… June 24, 2007

I was in 2nd year high school when I wrote the following poem, and six years later, I submitted it for publication to Junior Inquirer. I’m just glad to have recovered an online version tonight The newspaper version is somewhere in my files, though I don’t have the luxury of time to go through all my (ancient) papers.

By Arlene M. Paredes
Illustration by Herbeth L. Fondevilla

When i grow up, how would it be?

When i grow up, what shall I be?

Maybe a metro aid sweeping the streets,

Cleaning the scattered tiny paper bits.

A teacher of thousand pupils

While selling first class pencils

A dentist taking care of everybody’s teeth,

And giving free chocolates so sweet

A doctor who makes ill persons well,

Or a famous author of books and novels?

Will i be a successful somebody

Or maybe the president of the country

Oh when I grow up, I want to be

As happy and contented as I can be.

Mark Bautista (again?) June 21, 2007

Right on the Mark

By Arlene Paredes
Inquirer

The following article was published on page C4 of the June 20, 2007 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

It takes more than just voice, looks and talent to create a mark in the music industry; one needs to be a fiery, passionate dreamer with a serious sense of discipline to be a truly remarkable performer.

In his “reMARKable” concert last May 31 at Club O (formerly Dish) at the ABS-CBN Compound in Quezon City, Mark Bautista took his audience on a little journey down memory lane, singing covers of 1980’s hits from his latest album entitled “Every Now and Then.”

“Every Now and Then,” Mark’s third album from Viva Records, contains 12 tracks—all of which are Mark’s favorite English and OPM hits from the 1980s, including the carrier single, a remake of Angela Bofill’s “Break It To Me Gently,” which was re-arranged by Mon Faustino.

“This is my most favorite album so far kasi personal favorites ko ‘yung songs, at saka ang ganda ng arrangement ng bawat kanta,” Mark said.

The other songs in the album are “Every Now and Then,” “These Dreams,” “Got to Let You Know,” “Naaalala Ka,” “Kasalanan Ko Ba?” “I Don’t Want You to Go,” “Hold On,” “I’ll Be Over You,” “It’s All Behind Us Now,” “Special Memory” and “See You There.”

Eloisa Matias produced all the tracks except for the carrier single, which was produced by Mon Faustino.

Aside from his third album, the most recent milestone in Mark’s career is becoming the new image model of Le Froge. Mark said, “Even before Le Froge sponsored my clothing, ganu’ng style na talaga ang preferred ko. ‘Yung hindi lang panlakad, nagagamit ko pa talaga sa shows ko. Stylish at edgy ang Le Froge kaya it gives me even more confidence on stage.”

Incidentally, Le Froge is one of the major sponsors of his “reMARKable” concert in Club O.

Mark is also included in “Paano Kita Iibigin,” a light drama/romance movie co-produced by Star Cinema and Viva Films, starring Piolo Pascual and Regine Velasquez.

Piolo and Regine, who both came to watch Mark in his concert, wound up singing the movie’s theme on stage after much prodding from the rest of the audience. Mark later on joked that the movie was a hit because he was there.

Humble beginnings

At Club O, Mark got a bit nostalgic as he shared with his audience his humble beginnings as a singer, recalling his own “boyband” gigs in small bars in his home province of Cagayan de Oro.

“Dati, hindi kasing-ganda ng Club O mga kinakantahan ko,” he said, apparently still amazed at the cinematic turn of events in his life. After all, his mother had to ask a friend from a cargo ship to allow him to board for free to get to the weekly competition because they lacked the needed fare for the ride from Cagayan De Oro to Manila. Just a few months later, he emerged as Sarah Geronimo’s runner-up in the grand finale of the now defunct “Star for a Night” on IBC 13.

The sexy heartthrob image that Mark is now known for is in stark contrast to the pale and thin young man that wowed the judges and the audience of “Star for a Night” five years ago.

Since Viva Records saw Mark’s natural singing talent and raw passion for music, the studio took good care of him, and helped him all the way. Now, Mark is not just a singer, but a multimedia performer.

Soon enough, studio albums, TV shows, endorsements and movies came streaming toward Mark’s way, along with several concerts across the world.

“Hindi ako makapaniwala na ibe-bless ako ni God ng ganu’n,” Mark said. “Nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos at talagang iniingatan ko lahat ng binibigay Niya.”

Today, Mark has finished building a stylish home in Commonwealth Ave., Quezon City, with more than enough room for him and his family. Evidently, the trip from his hometown in Cagayan de Oro to Manila will never be a problem again.

On June 21, Mark will be leaving for his second European tour with Sarah Geronimo. Another US tour will soon follow. Does Mark Bautista still wish for more?

“Sa totoo lang, masaya na ko nu’ng nakapag-release ako ng first album. Pero kung ibibigay ni Lord ang isang acting award someday, tsaka isang studio album na major hit talaga, alam ko sobrang happy ko na nu’n.”

Asked about his lovelife, Mark smiled sweetly, and said, “I’m just hoping for the best.” I’m sure that his loved ones, as well as his fan base here and abroad are all hoping for nothing but the best for this remarkable talent, too. (2bU! link here)

For more information on Mark Bautista, log on to www.markbautista.com.

E-mail the author at crypticmess@gmail.com

I was a fan, indeed! April 25, 2007

Starry-eyed over ‘Star for A Night’
By Arlene Paredes
2bU! Correspondent

I WAS 22 when I became a fan for the first time. It all started when “Star for a Night” (now defunct) began airing on Channel 13 five years ago.

One lazy weekend when I was channel surfing, I saw this one pale and thin guy with a soothing baritone voice and lovely chinito eyes singing “Love Always Finds a Way.”

Right off the bat, I noticed his eyes were cute. Also, he really knew how to project to the camera and take his audience on a journey by singing with the right emotions. It was really entertaining to see a budding singer doing what he was passionate about, and doing it so well.

I thought if this guy was really a natural just like he seemed to be, then he has a place in show business. (I later learned that he had been singing for parties and was even part of a “boy band” in Cagayan De Oro City.)

I stayed tuned to find out if he would win, and he did. He emerged as the “Star” for that night. As for me, I found myself campaigning for Mark Bautista during the grand finals of “Star for a Night” months later.

Later on, I joined an e-group created by some girl from Southern Manila who would become one of my most cherished friends. I even designed a website for Mark! At the time, you couldn’t find much information about “Mark Bautista” on Google. I couldn’t even find more than one photo of him online.

Mark himself gave me some pictures for his website. But that’s getting way ahead of the story.

The girl from Southern Manila is Tina Cruz. She found my Mark Bautista entry in my blog and told Mark about the article I wrote.

Apparently, Mark read it and was flattered. He left a message in my blog and even left his mobile number. Naturally, I called him. The instant I heard that low, sexy voice on the phone, I knew my life as a fan had reached a milestone. We later met in person and were text buddies for a while.

Tina was the one who walked me in much further into the world of fans. I did manage to cross the threshold somehow, on a special occasion—my birthday in 2003. Tina texted Mark about my birthday; then Mark texted to greet me, and told me he was going to a show in Tagaytay, which was just 20 to 30 minutes away from our apartment in Dasmariñas, Cavite. Politely, I asked if he could come over and join me, Tina, and some other friends.

Of course I was expecting him to beg off. After all, celebrities always had excuses for invitations like mine.

But his reply was: “Puwede daan na lang kami ’pag pauwi na? Mga 6 p.m. kasi ’yung show eh.”

My heart skipped a beat. Did Mark just say that he was coming over for my birthday?

He actually came and met some of my friends. It was a small and simple dinner, so my late mother was a bit embarrassed (and very amused) that I had the nerve to invite a celebrity over.

My mother didn’t know any young stars, not anyone outside the Vilma-Nora generation, but she knew Mark Bautista because of me. Still, she seemed unconvinced that a young celebrity was in her home. So she asked him to sing a few lines, a capella, of course, and he gamely did.

Mark sang a few lines of “Because of You.” Seeing my mother smile the way she did was priceless. After Mark sang, my mother became more embarrassed. She wouldn’t even kiss Mark when he attempted to buzz her before leaving, saying she was sweaty from all the cooking. Mark kissed her on one cheek, anyway.

The next morning, the entire neighborhood already knew that the singing voice they had overheard the previous night was Mark Bautista’s, thanks to my starstruck mother.

When I became a trainee at ABS-CBN, I kept in touch with Mark. Tina and I saw the final taping of “Sarah The Teen Princess” and were later invited to, and joined the cast’s farewell party.

It’s been years since Tina and I last watched a concert. We got busy with our lives and eventually realized that being a fan had an expiration date for us. But we still keep in touch. Mark, after all, has never kept his distance.

As far as Tina and I are concerned, we are so damn proud that the young balladeer we admired during a weekly singing competition has gone this far, and our being fans has left a lasting souvenir—our cosmic bonding. The experience of being a fan was worth all the time and money spent on concerts, because fanhood bonded Tina and me.

At some point, we all have to let loose and be a little less ordinary. I was a fan and I definitely enjoyed being one.

E-mail the author at crypticmess@gmail.com

A degree, finally! March 28, 2007

The journey towards a college diploma
By Arlene Paredes
Inquirer

I’m 27 and a candidate for college graduation next month.

Plagued by personal issues and ruled by a scattered mind, I left the university when I was 20 to join the work force. Originally, my intention was to go back to school as soon as the issues that had upset me had been ironed out.

Turned out, however, that sometimes bad things could get even worse.

I was lucky because I found business owners and executives who hired me despite the lack of a college diploma. My course (BS Development Communication) and early experience in freelance writing certainly opened a lot of opportunities. I was able to work for several companies, explore different industries, meet a lot of interesting people and even hold important positions.

At one point, I was a supervising officer of a small but efficient team of college graduates. Ironically, it was then that I decided to resign to go back to school.

When it seemed to me that I had enough money for all the possible basic expenses of a regular student, I thought it was the time to go back to school. I had enough for tuition, as well as rental and utility expenses for the first few months.

My father and mother had died in 1997 and 2004, respectively, so I thought “home” could be anywhere. Moving to practically anywhere was one of the things I could do without much thinking. Several freelance writing assignments would feed me in the next few months.

Some people ask me why I never worked for a call center. The simplest answer is my concept of a “graveyard shift” includes only spending time with friends, watching movies at home, surfing the Internet, writing articles or playing computer games.

Indeed, I’ve been lucky because in all the jobs I’ve had, I was able to practice what I learned in school. Still, I wondered about the other things that I could still do if I had the diploma.

Reality bites

Going back to school after working for six years is definitely not a walk in the park. The lessons came in one ear and out the other without leaving anything to memory. The schedule was tight because I had several freelance writing assignments, which translated to deadlines everyday. I complained a lot, and thought that if things got even worse than what I could handle, I’d quit.

Then the storm “Milenyo” happened. It swept my university (University of the Philippines Los Baños) like no other storm had done since I first got here. The campus had no classes for a week because of huge fallen trees scattered everywhere. It also brought knee-deep waters inside and waist-deep mud-water outside my apartment, where I lived alone.

Literally, it was the worst storm I’d ever experienced. Figuratively, however, I’d been through a lot worse than that.
So it occurred to me, if I’d been given the gift and the ability to endure trials and challenges in life, why should I quit?

“You were fine without a diploma,” one of my friends said when I ranted and complained about the consequences of my going back to school. I don’t know if he was employing reverse psychology or was simply speaking matter-of-factly. What I do know is that statement has never left my memory since he said it.

He was right; I was fine. And the good news was, maybe things could still get better.

They say life is never about the destination; it’s always about the journey taken. The way I see it, though, it’s about both—the journey and the destination—because you can’t be fully satisfied by one without the other.

Despite this, however, I tend to be reckless of both until I get lost, or reach a disturbing but otherwise interesting point, commonly known as the stopover.

Stopovers come as interruptions in life. People perceive them differently. A stopover makes you realize that you’re on a journey, you have a destination, and you have to go on. It can also make you feel tired, and entice you to forget about the destination you have in mind.

Stopovers can also make you rethink the path that you’re taking. Do you continue on the same track, or do you cut across an unfamiliar way to be where you need to be?

Too many stopovers might have delayed my coming back to the path I’d begun before. But as vicious and emotionally draining they might have been, these stopovers have enabled me to go on.

As an incoming college freshman, it had not occurred to me that I would not graduate, or there would be circumstances to prevent me from graduating after four years. Perhaps I could attribute that to my inherent optimism.

However, some things changed. And some lessons were learned outside the school.

I now think personal issues, however serious they may be, should not be used as an excuse for losing interest in school—or any goal you have set in your life, for that matter.

At the end of the day, the issue is not about the layers of problems blocking your way, but how you find ways to overcome the blocks and continue on your journey, without blurring your vision of what you want to do and why. (Inquirer link here)

E-mail the author at crypticmess@gmail.com.

That thing called, “Closure.” February 21, 2007

It’s over and it’s okay
By Arlene Paredes
Inquirer

CLOSURE can mean a lot of things in Philosophy and Math. But as far as romance is concerned, closure is the right word for the complete conclusion of a relationship.

It is that distinct sense of freedom from all the grudges, bitterness and resentments that a bad breakup may have brought. Closure is also freedom from wishful thinking, false hopes and incessant novenas for the loved one to come back. Simply put, when you’ve found closure, it means you know it’s over, and it’s just okay that way.

The question is: When do you say “It’s over and it’s just okay?”

A normal person won’t be happy to end a relationship that’s been a part of his/her life, especially if the relationship has lasted for a significant length of time. Still, it does not mean that no normal person would end a relationship. In fact, a mentally sound person would know when a relationship should come to an end.

Following are some of the possible scenarios that can lead to a breakup (not in any order): lack of common interests, infidelity, boredom, pride, selfishness, arrogance, insensitivity, the presence of a third party, etc. Some relationships overcome, some try to overcome; but not every relationship can overcome these issues.

Let’s face it: Everybody wants something more — especially if he or she ends up with people who are used to giving much less than what they can actually give.

Once the stage of being so blindly in love is over and all the romantic issues are exposed, it becomes increasingly more difficult to stay, especially when things just get worse day by day. (Sometimes, they don’t really get worse; they just become more obvious.)

Then once the limit for overcoming is met, the breakup happens. If you’ve been around, or have friends who have been around, you’ll know for sure that breakups never just happen. A breakup is always the end result of a series of unpleasant events. Falling out of love is merely one of these unpleasant occurrences.

In an ideal breakup, one partner says it’s over, and the other agrees and even feels relieved that the breakup need not come from him/her, or that finally, the breakup happened before the relationship got any deeper or more serious.

Annie Reed’s (Meg Ryan) breakup with her fiancé in “Sleepless in Seattle” is a classic example of a clean, smooth and ideal breakup. Minutes after breaking up with the guy she can’t afford to marry, she’s with Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) and they are free to start a new relationship without fear of being stalked, threatened, humiliated or cursed.

We all wish every breakup is like that. But not everyone finds closure fast and easy, especially when there are no Sam Baldwins or Annie Reeds meeting on top of the Empire State Building. Enough about the movies! In real life, closure does not come easily to everyone. This is because not everyone understands why breakups need to happen.

In a funny way, even with a list of a thousand reasons for a breakup, the other party would still think that the issues could be worked out. This is tricky, because once you hear of a reason leading to a breakup, it should be quite evident that your loved one is unhappy with you. And once you start coming up with a rebuttal, it only means you’re making an argument, not to save the relationship, but to prove that you’re right.

On the one hand, it’s good to “fight” for your love. On the other hand, what would you be fighting for if the other person has decided to move on? Where is the “love” in that person?

Different marks

I’ve seen people who found it hard to let go because they thought the reasons given to them were lame and irrational. They try to argue back, without realizing that the reasons were only lame and irrational to them because they’re looking at their relationship in different ways. They’re not on the same page. They’re going on different directions. They’re not aiming for the same marks. Therefore, it does not make sense for them to continue on a journey together.

Who is “the third party?” This androgynous character is so notorious for breaking up a lot of relationships. Poor Third Party, even when you’re not the real reason, others would still put the blame on you, not getting that you won’t be in the scene without much help from the first or second party.

People just give you too much credit because you’re easier to blame. In “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” Julianne Potter (Julia Roberts) couldn’t let go of Michael O’Neal (Dermot Mulroney) who was getting married to someone he just met. So with much conviction, she told her gay friend George (Rupert Everett), “I can make him happier than her.” To which George replied, “Is this about winning?”

Unfortunately, it is so easy to forget that love is not about winning, or comparing yourself to anyone whom your love interest has chosen to marry. Love is always about giving and setting free.

You can wallow over a broken heart all your life. Or, you can just begin to live with the fact that your relationship may be over, but your life is not, and at the rate the population is increasing on this planet, there’s a good chance you’ll meet someone new and begin a new relationship.

Form your own closure by accepting that it’s over and love is not about winning. It’s always about the journey.

Again, question: When do you say that “It’s over and it’s just okay?”

Answer: Whenever you’re willing and ready. (Keep saying you’re not, and you never will be.) Inquirer link here.

Friendster’s It’s Complicated February 14, 2007

Oh, love and its complications!

By Arlene Paredes 2bU! Correspondent Inquirer

Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.–Michael LeunigIT wasn’t too long ago when the field for “status” in any personal information sheet could only be filled out with “single” or “married or “widowed.” Today, in some official forms, possible answers include “single with a child,” “single in domestic partnership,” and “single and never married,” among others. Evidently, the times have changed for relationships. There is now a longer list of possible status for everyone. In response to this scenario, personal information sheets have been updated and redesigned to get the real picture of a person’s status. Friendster, meanwhile, limits the status choices to five, and offers a convenient way to describe one’s possible relationship with anyone by adding “it’s complicated” among the possible answers for one’s status. Friendster.com, a popular social networking site on the Internet, wants to know if a member is single, in a relationship, a domestic partner, married or involved in a “complicated thing.” Now, what could be this complicated thing? Following are true accounts of people who have — at least once — chosen “it’s complicated” as their Friendster status, and the more apt phrase for their actual situation: The ex Guy A says he’s in a complicated relationship because he’s now seeing his ex-girlfriend who had dumped him almost 10 years ago. He says it’s complicated because he hasn’t really broken up with his current girlfriend, who is working overseas. In fact, he is not even sure if he’d leave her for his ex. How can he break up with the girlfriend who has been talking wedding plans with him for the past year and a half? This situation is complicated enough. Three’s a crowd, after all. But here’s what makes matters even more complicated: Guy A’s ex-girlfriend has been married for over two years now. Guy A is 26 years old. Guy A says it’s complicated because they both know they’re doing something wrong. The truth is Guy A knows what he has to do to get out of the complicated status; but Guy A adds: “I am not yet ready to say goodbye (to his ex) again.” Status: It’s complicated! Real Score: Should decide soon. Online hunter Lady A is thirtysomething and married. When she joined Friendster, she chose “It’s complicated” as her status with a goal in mind — to meet guys. Lady A thought that “It’s complicated” sounded intriguing, and guys dig mysteries. It turned out that Lady A was right because it didn’t take long before she made some online guy friends, and developed steamy online romances with some of the men in her growing social network online. Soon enough, however, Lady A learned that not all guys are thrilled with mysteries. When her husband discovered what she was up to, he angrily confronted her about it. The husband was not happy at all with what he found out, and he hated her for being unfaithful. But all she could say was: “It was all for fun.” Status: It’s complicated! Real Score: Trying to feel single again. Other girlfriend Lady B never posted that she was in a complicated relationship, but she admits she could do that if she really wants to describe her relationship with this guy with whom she has been in a very ambiguous kind of relationship with for the past several months. The guy is almost like her boyfriend — they watch movies together, eat out, hold hands, hug, kiss and act like they’re together. Except they’re not really together. They don’t talk about where they are and where they’re going. She says they don’t talk about it because they wouldn’t make any real progress in talking anyway. At least not until he is ready, she clarifies. It may seem like an ordinary case of allergy against commitment, or the effect of modern times on young liberal minds; but here’s the root of the complication: While Lady B is “Single” in Friendster, her guy is “In a Relationship” with someone else, whose photo is on his Friendster profile page, too. So how do they do what they do together? His actual girlfriend is working overseas, and what they have is a rather complicated, shaky relationship because of the distance. Status: Single (It’s complicated!) Real Score: Single pending a break-up Girl who said no Lady C says she found herself in a complicated setup when she started falling for a very close friend whom she had rejected in the past. He came to her for more than friendship, she hinted they were better off as friends. Then she left the country. Not too long after, she felt she was missing him, started asking him questions, and was pleased with what came back as answers. They were good and romantic toward each other. But things were only happening online. Lady C thought things would get clearer when she came home for Christmas. But then she learned that he was already “in a relationship” with another girl by the time she got off the plane. Lady C realized her relationship was no longer as complicated, and changed her status to “single.” Now, Lady C claims that she has decided to let him go, as they might not be meant for each other. She’s still happy when she’s with him, and she thinks it’s good that they are staying close as friends. Status: Single (It’s [No Longer] complicated!) Real Score: Almost free Complicated girl Lady D gave a straightforward explanation on why she says her status is complicated: that’s only because she is complicated. It’s not the relationship that’s not working. She just could not find ways to make her relationships work. Or, as she said, she hasn’t found “the right one.” She’s a 28-year-old overseas Filipino worker who’s been dating and rejecting guys since she broke up with her boyfriend of several years. Lady D is now seeing someone. Their dates have so far been fine. He’s been calling her, and she’s not been saying no whenever he invites her out. They’re dating exclusively. But he’s not in her plans. She’s trying to get to know him, and she’s slowly allowing him into her world. Lady D says she has yet to figure out what she wants, but what she has now is good enough. Status: It’s complicated! Real score: Waiting for a sign The situations described above prove that some people find complications in their relationship only because they or their partners just cannot make a choice. At the end of the day, the choices are pretty simple: Do they complicate matters in their lives, or do they iron out the messy wrinkles for the sake of love? I read somewhere that falling in love just happens, but really loving someone, that is accepting another person in spite of everything, is a decision you make. In this case, getting into or out of a complicated relationship is also a choice. Now here’s what the people mentioned above have in common in their relationship: they chose to stay. Some of them are still in it. Others have closed the complicated chapter, and are now trying to move on. The rest will still be together this Valentine’s Day. Isn’t it funny how a simple word like “love” and phrase like “it’s complicated” can have endless possible stories behind them? Is love meant to be complicated? Or does complication only chase love because people, not love, are complicated by nature? (Inquirer link here)

Granting wishes December 19, 2006

Spa surprise for mom and dad
Arlene Paredes

Published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer on December 19, 2006

CLEARLY puzzled and in doubt whether they got the address right, Mr. and Mrs. Petalver walked into the Terra Wellness Spa at Discovery Suites in Ortigas not knowing what to expect. They knew who to look for, but they were clueless why they had to be there. Well, isn’t that what surprises are all about?

Eighteen-year-old Jen Petalver casually asked her parents the previous night to drop by at the Terra Spa, without divulging any more details. When her parents asked, she only said, “Basta.”

“Basta,” in fact, was a touching story that would move Mrs. Petalver to tears.

Terra Spa general manager Nino Sinco and operations manager Angie Castillo welcomed the Petalver couple and explained to them the special treat awaiting them that day. The couple would receive a 90-minute rejuvenating Terra’s Touch (Swedish massage) session in a private couple’s room, courtesy of their daughter — much to their surprise.

Jen read about the wishes being granted by 2bU! to the Rescue, and decided she would make a wish not for herself but for her loving parents who always granted her own wishes, prompting her siblings to tease her as the family’s spoiled brat, or the one who always got special treatment.

In fact, she was going to celebrate her 18th birthday with a traditional debut celebration a day after her parents’ massage. But as the youngest of five children, Jen was ready to disprove that she was a spoiled kid. She asked 2bU!’s help to give her parents some pampering, and got it.

Ireneo Petalver, 52, and his wife Geronima, 53, both work in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, as hospital assistants. They lift patients from one hospital bed to another as part of anaesthesia procedures. Mr. Petalver has been in the same job for 25 years, while Mrs. Petalver joined her husband 10 years ago. They were here for vacation, for Jen’s birthday and for the holiday season, all in one blow.

The couple’s jobs obviously require a lot of physical strength. Mrs. Petalver said she had often felt pain and discomfort in her upper back area, while Mr. Petalver often complained of lower back pains. Despite the discomfort, however, it never occurred to the couple to give themselves much-needed treatment since they were just too busy.

At Terra Spa, located at the 4th floor of Discovery Suites, the Petalver couple finally enjoyed being at the receiving end of pampering and caring hands.

“Sarap,” said Mrs. Petalver of the experience. “Atsaka ang galing nila… pati pag-cover sa ’yo, maingat sila.”

“Exciting na, I don’t know. First time kong ma-treat ng ganito,” Mr. Petalver added.

Terra Spa’s masseurs are all licensed physical therapists with certificates from the Department of Health. They also trained with Kathleen Moynihan-Rodrigo of the Spa Association of the Philippines.

The spa also allows their clients freedom to choose not only their treatment, but the music to accompany their stay at the spa. Two catalogues were presented to the Petalver couple: the catalogue for oils and the catalogue for music. Mrs. Petalver personally picked the spiritual iPod for their treatment’s background music.

When asked about what they would like to tell their daughter Jen, Mrs. Petalver said they didn’t expect Jen to pull off a touching surprise like this.

“Hindi namin ini-expect. Kasi sabi ng mga kapatid niya, spoiled siya kasi bunso,” Mrs. Petalver said, teary-eyed.

Before they left, they promised to share the experience with their other children. Now, Jen has redefined “special treatment” for this family. (Inquirer link here. )

Terra Wellness Spa offers body massages, facials, bodyworks, foot massages, and stand-alone treatments (i.e. quantum chakra clearing). Special promo packages are still available for the Holiday season. Located at 4/F, Discovery Suites, 25 ADB Ave., Ortigas Center, Pasig City. Call (02) 6382977.

E-mail the author at lhenparedes@gmail.com

Copyright INQUIRER.net. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Paredes Funeral Homes (My first “home”) November 1, 2006

Growing up in a funeral parlor
By Arlene Paredes

Published on Page C4 of the November 1, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

I GREW up in a house attached to a funeral parlor. My elementary classmates knew me as Arlene-Paredes-Funeral-Homes. (Now that I’m writing it, I can actually laugh about it. But back then, it surely wasn’t funny!)

What most people in our little town know is that I was the child who grew up in a sari-sari store standing next to a funeral parlor. What they didn’t know, and perhaps what’s difficult to believe, is that it was fun for me (only because I was curious and playful) and the experience had so much to do with the way I look at death today.

Because when I was growing up, every day was All Souls’ Day, and I wanted to drive a funeral car. The staff of HBO’s “Six Feet Under” must’ve talked to people who had the same childhood as mine. A garage of funeral cars used to be my playground.

Once, when one funeral car was unlocked and there was no one around, I hopped in and pretended I was driving it. Of course the car didn’t move; but I do remember having fun.

It’s both creepy and amusing now that I didn’t even bother then about the fact that the car actually carried coffins and human corpses almost every day. No, I wasn’t exactly being brave. I was just being a playful kid. After all, I was only six or seven at that. But if anyone would dare me to do the same thing now, I would definitely think twice. To be honest, I’d probably chicken out.

Must-have item

My familiarity with the coffins I saw daily must’ve bred a certain level of comfort in me, such that one coffin became a must-have item. Yes, there was a time when I actually chose a cute little coffin for myself. What happened after I announced a coffin preference was a form of education for me. I learned what not to do so as not to get into trouble.

The lesson started one morning, when my mother had just arrived from the market. I welcomed her with a gleeful announcement: There was a very cute small coffin on display, and I could fit in there!

My mother was just coming in through the display room. I pointed to the cute coffin, but was not prepared for her response. She slapped my tiny arm!

I shouldn’t make fun of fitting inside something like that, my mother yelled. I just invited Death to our door, she said. Naturally, I didn’t understand her reaction. But I was bound to see her point.

Not long after that day, I got very sick. It was the first time that I saw fear in my mother’s usually fierce eyes. She said I suffered from convulsions, which I don’t remember now. But from then on, my mother would always remind me of that stupid thing I did that almost cost me my life.

How can you take away superstition from death and dying? I guess you can’t. Because when it comes to preserving your life, you’re not supposed to take any chances.

There were early mornings when I woke up to the sound of people sobbing—families wanting to get a funeral service for their loved one. There were late nights, too, when I heard gentle knocking on our door, with voices of women weeping in the background. They too, needed funeral services. A funeral parlor is a 24/7 business. You can never tell anyone to “please come back later.”

Death happens anytime, I realized early in life. It can come in the morning, or midnight, or afternoon. Death also comes as a result of many things: murder, accident, nightmare, long illness, old age. I thought I’d heard all the stories back then.

Whenever there was a bereaved family in the funeral parlor, I’d immediately ask my father, “Ano’ng ikinamatay?” (What’s the cause of death?) Sometimes, my father would try to make light of it. Yet, even as he would say, “Eh nakalimutang huminga” (He forgot to breathe), his eyes would betray him and reveal his sympathies for the family.

Dressing up the dead

It was always clear to me that he never got used to seeing families crying for their dead. And it was much more difficult when the family was a close relative.

The film “Masahista (directed by Brillante Mendoza)” showed portions of how embalming is done and how the dead gets dressed up after the procedure. I must say, everything in “Masahista’s” funeral parlor scenes was plausible. Although the whole procedure is creepy, the embalmer is not a sinister or weird guy. He’s just a regular person doing something scary. (No one would allow me to watch the embalming before, but I was curious and I had my ways.)

The funeral parlor’s garage was a form of shortcut to my sister’s house, so I passed through that garage frequently, and alone. I was convinced I was brave. But I soon realized I was wrong, because I just couldn’t be found alone with a stranger’s corpse!
One afternoon, when I was going home from my sister’s house, I was greeted by a sight I didn’t know how to handle. There was one unidentified corpse lying on the garage, with no one around. The people from the funeral parlor were in the middle of some discussion outside, so I had to half-run my way to our house. I made a mental note to pray that I wouldn’t be caught dead with a corpse in one room again.

I must note, too, that the first camera I ever handled was the one owned by the funeral parlor. I shot no hair-rising photos, and encountered no frightening ghosts, thank God.

I was already 16 when I left our house that stood beside a funeral parlor. Now, over 10 years later, I don’t think I can ever go through that experience again. A lot of things have already ceased to become familiar, and that means I no longer feel comfortable about standing amid coffins, let alone staring hard at them, or sitting inside funeral cars, or using a funeral parlor’s camera, or staying for over a minute in a garage for hearses.

But some things don’t change. For instance, I still look at death the way I learned to look at it in my childhood: It is that which happens to a person when it’s Time.

“Hanap-patay,” a pun on “hanapbuhay,” is often used to describe the funeral parlor business. Technically, however, no business looks for the dead; because businesses need people who are alive and can pay for them.

The funeral parlor doesn’t even have to work on the “hanap” part. Business comes to them. There’s one thing I know and can remember about the business: it is (literally) not for the fainthearted. (Inquirer link here.)

E-mail crypticmess@gmail.com